My Finest Hour

I normally post a round-up of my progress in the preceding month on the last day of the month, but I'm not going to do that today. My race is in three days, and I'm more interested in looking forward than looking back. Perhaps that's how it should always be in life.

But some of my thoughts are wandering back over the last nine months. It's been a long journey, and without a doubt one of the most delightful of my life. I was reminded of this in a recent email that a very good friend (and seasoned Ironman-er) sent in recent weeks (hey Anthony - did I ask permission to quote you? If not, too late now!):

I’m so excited for you, though, as you take on this final phase of the “quest”. This last month is really about soaking in everything. Think of all the changes you have made, all the sacrifices, and all the ups and downs, and really try to smile and appreciate it all for what it has been for you. If you haven’t found that yet, then use this month to think of the life you are creating for yourself, a happy, healthy, fulfilled life. Find a purpose that you can draw on for your race. A mantra, a phrase, a life-purpose that you can grab on to that will carry you through to the finish line. Think of those who WILL be there to see you. Your new friends, your new community, all of what has become the new “Rachel’s life”. And think of all your adoring fans back home, who think of you constantly, wish you the best, and love you for who you are.

Besides warming my heart to no end, Anthony's words reminded me of something I need to remind myself of: that it is often the journey, and not the final competition, that shapes us. Everybody says that doing an Ironman (and I think this can apply to anything we take on in life that is a challenge to our comfort zones) is life-changing. You are not the same person on the other side of that day.

And yet as I reflect on the last nine months of preparation - from tugging my mountain bike over snowbanks in Switzerland through a morbid January to my first sleeveless rides through the poppy fields and budding vineyards of springtime France, from running off over-indulgence on the streets of Rome the morning after discovering vegan pizza to searching German supermarkets for anything that didn't contain sausages, from trying to motivate myself to go to the pool and swim just one kilometer in an icy March to being first out of the water in open-water training sessions under a hot early evening sun at Narbonne beach - I know that I am not the same person that set out on this path. It's true that I have made many changes in my life this year, from leaving a relationship to moving countries, but the journey of preparing for Ironman has been the rhythm beating in the background throughout. It's brought me joy and it's brought me frustration; it's brought reflections to my mind and it's brought people into my life; there have been days when I didn't want to do it and days when it was the only thing that kept me sane; it's shaped my choices, and it has therefore shaped me.

I noticed this week that I began to have thoughts along the lines of 'I just want it to be over with.' A fairly normal evolution of emotions as the reality of what I'm about to do (I'm going to run a marathon after swimming and biking for how long?) looms large and fear and anxiety begin to creep in. But why would I wish away a day that I have looked forward to and prepared for for so long? As another wise person once said to me before I took part in my first marathon (Hey Anthony, was this you again?): you did the work to make it to the start line, and whatever happens on the race course, no one can ever take that away from you.

Who knows what will happen out there on Sunday. But when I'm standing at the water's edge, waiting for the gun to go off in the pre-dawn light, I'll know that the journey alone was worth it. So I'm going to relish in these, the last few steps that lead me to the start line. Whatever comes to pass will come to pass; for now, this is my finest hour.

One Week to Go

It's now one short week till my Ironman, and my thoughts are occupied with the last minute important details, such as what to wear in various possible weather scenarios, and what will I do with hair to ensure it does not become a source of irritation over the course of a 12-hour event (I have a time of 12 hours in my head inasmuch as I hope to finish somewhere around that mark, but as I have to keep reminding myself, I will be happy to finish upright and smiling).

My mindset is otherwise quiet in this final week of preparation. I am focused on eating well, eating light (hard to do after a summer of eating to keep up with an average of 20 hours a week of training), sleeping well and minimizing stress. I've been noticing a decrease in my ability to manage small daily stresses, like the bank not being open when I want it to be, or the baker running out of my favourite wholewheat minibagettes, or clients emailing me with questions that I've already given them an answer to, or swimmers who rest against the wall between sets in my lane when I want to flipturn, or what is my French landlady earnestly trying to tell me I need to do about my heating system to prepare it for the winter months and why is it so important when it's still 30C outside, or the increasingly unfavourable dollar to euro exchange rate which is calling for a review of my entire personal money-management strategy, or the obvious design flaw in my new mp3 player that prevents continuous play between playlists and how will I explain that in French when I try to return it, or why can't I figure out how to reprogram the digital clock on my oven after last week's power outage, and other other such minor crises of daily life. I'm attributing this decrease in stress-management ability (also known as 'being irritable') to a latent case of pre-race nerves that is resting just below the surface of my psyche, since I outwardly seem to be quite calm.

Another possible explanation comes from a book I'm currently reading by vegan triathlete Brendan Brazier. This observation has nothing to do with being vegan, it's simply an observation that he makes on one of the non-physical benefits of endurance training; he is comparing the effects of long training sessions, such as I have been doing at least once a week for the last six months, with the benefits associated normally associated with Yoga or traditional meditation:

Normally thought of as a good thing, information is in fact a problem in modern life. There is simply too much of it, most of it useless. And harmful. Yes, harmful. You may think you can just ignore useless information, but it occupies space in your consciousness and thereby slows the rate at which you can make use of information you actually need. Think of a computer's memory being filled up and cluttered by a constant bombardment of spyware downloads, resulting in a reduced processing speed.

If we retain only important information, the brain will be better able to process that information, make sense of it, solve problems, and allow the subconscious room to work...traditional meditation results in restricted information intake and thereby gives your brain a well-deserved break. Active meditation in the form of running and cycling provides an opportunity for the brain to mull over information it already has, while restricting entry of new information. No need to go on an information fast - a select information diet will enhance your brain's ability to form thoughts, make connections between ideas, solve problems and think clearly under stress.

(Brendan Brazier, Thrive Fitness)

It's true that I have solved some of my biggest and smallest problems while out on the bike or out for a long run. I typically have something that I have to write down straight away when I walk in the door, or a burning phone call to make or email to send. Going for walks or sitting in the cathedral isn't quite providing the same thing; they quieten my mind but they don't give rise to the same creative thought patterns that result in eureka moments (I'm attributing this to the absence of increased oxygen flow to the brain and/or repetitive body motions over long periods of time). In any event, I think I will just have to settle for being a little less mentally sharp and a little more irritable this week - and dare I let myself think this far ahead - for the several weeks of recovery time that will come after October 4th.

Seeing Purple

If the red of poppy fields marked early summer in the south of France, and the yellow masses of sunflowers marked the hot and hazy days of August, then it is purple that marks the close. Purple grape juice soaks the roads through the vineyards, making them too trechorous to ride on. The vines that are still waiting to be harvested are heavy with purple grapes. A variety of purple plants that I can't name are in bloom around town. There is a wild grass growing out in the fields that has tinted purple tips in certain lights.

It's just two short weeks till Ironman now, and as the decline in my training volume opens up more hours to be idle, I have been going for walks with my camera to capture the different shades of purple before they pass:

So how do I feel as the big day draws near? It changes by the moment. I feel exicted, I feel anxious, I feel a little indifferent at times. I have a need to be reclused. Other than taking myself on rambling walks with my camera, I have been visiting the cathedral to sit in the silence that is left in the wake of the summer tourists, staying home to cook elaborate vegan meals for one while listening to endless Tracy Chapman, writing out french verb conjugations in cafes inbetween people-watching, dragging my mountain bike out to roll along the country lanes on days that I am not supposed to be training but am missing the sights and smells of the countryside terribly. As the race draws near, I have less desire to be social, and that includes blogging. I've never thought of it as a social venue in my life before - I thought I was just keeping an online diary of sorts - but I suppose it has come to be that to me. So if my desire to write and share myself continues to wane, there might not be much news from me until after d-day on October 4th.

And with that, I am going back to mywithdrawn state.

Words from Chrissie Wellington

For those who follow the world of professional triathlon, and for those who don't, the current world champion Chrissie Wellington (UK) has some things to say that are worth listening to. This is a girl who entered the sport at a very late age, having discovered that she had a talent for it when she began running and biking to avoid weight creep in her late twenties. She left a successful career in International Development to become a professional triathlete a few years back, and has gone on to smash just about every record in the sport since. She has become known for never, ever racing without a smile and she hangs around the finish line to greet every finisher for hours (and hours and hours) after she has won.

I admire her for what she's done athletically, but more importantly admire her for what she has to say. She caught my attention when I heard an interview where she referred to her struggle with the idea of committing 30+ hours a week of her life to triathlon training, when there were bigger problems out there in the world that need addressing (she was working for an NGO in Nepal at the time). She described it as seeming 'so self-indulgent'. It's a theme she repeats here in a recent interview she gave; but it sounds like she's finding a way to use her athletic talent to make a difference in the ways that she wants to, and for things that she quite frankly thinks are more important. This is an athlete who has her eye on a bigger picture and her place in it. I've heard reporters refer to her as being a 'down-to-earth' athlete, but I don't think this does her justice: her off-the-field communication parlays a depth of character and a worldview that I find refreshing and inspiring in the world of professional sport. And yet she makes no bones about being out to win every event.

KM: I've always said that you learn more about yourself during an Ironman than you do in so much of life. You probably did your first Ironman in a different light to the rest of us – you'd already seen quite a bit of the world and life by the time you got to Korea. What have you learned about yourself during your various Ironman races? Do you like what you've learned?

Chrissie: Training and racing is a continuous learning process, with huge highs and deep lows – much like life itself! I have learnt so much about myself over the past two and a half years - to calm down, to rest my mind, to think more logically, to act more deliberately (this is a particular struggle, as evidenced by the fact that I recently walked into a cement bench, and have spent the last three weeks hobbling around!), to be patient, to believe in myself …and much more besides. But yes, triathlon has taught me so much, both from looking deep into myself and reflecting on my personality, and my strengths and weaknesses - and also from watching people around me. You realise the body’s amazing capacity to endure pain, that the mind and body are so much stronger than we may give them credit for, to be calm in the face of adversity, to cope with defeat. In terms of “do I like what I have learned?” I think back to what Paula Newby Fraser once said -‘Be kind to yourself.’ So, yes, although I am my own harshest critic, I am trying to do just that – to like what I am learning, and be kind to myself at all times!

KM: What would it mean for you to win Kona again? On a related note, how important are records for you – both the world best time last July and the course record in Kona?

Chrissie: It would mean that I am the best in the world for one more year! And that is a huge honor, achievement and a tremendous opportunity and privilege. I always race with three goals. To cross the line first, to enjoy it and to try and win in the fastest time possible. If that means I break a course or world record then that’s the icing on the very tasty cake, but the victory is always first and foremost in my mind. There are too many variables affecting times, year on year and race on race. It makes comparisons really difficult. Plus, I am a total numerical retard …as many of my training partners know, I can’t even do 300m in the pool without losing count! As far as records go, of course, I am so happy and proud to have my name etched in the triathlon history books. By breaking records I hope to show that women are a force to be reckoned with, that we can get faster and stronger, and raise the bar for future athletes to aspire to. But to know deep inside that I have given it everything is the most important thing.

KM: Brett Sutton, along with one of your former teammates, both told me you're not in this to just win triathlons – that you have much more of a “mission”...what is it that you'd like to achieve within triathlon?

Chrissie: Not long after I started as a professional in February 2007, I remember saying to Brett ‘I feel so selfish. All I do is swim, bike and run – and this is all for me. I am not helping to make the world a better place’. And he replied ‘Chrissie, just you wait, before too long you will be able to effect change in a way you never thought possible’. Brett is so perceptive and wise, and of course two years on – yes, I have the platform that I have always dreamed of to achieve my mission, and bring about positive change. That’s partially why winning is so important to me. Of course I am a fierce competitor, and I love to work hard, smash myself and fight for every victory – but through every victory I have more of an opportunity. To speak about things I am passionate about, to inspire and encourage others, to lead by example, be a role model for change, to raise the bar, to raise awareness about important issues, including GOTRIbal (www.gotribalnow.com) and also setting up my own NGO in the UK in the future. And that’s something I never want to take for granted, and which drives me each and every day.

Within triathlon – swim, bike, and run alone – I want to be the best that I can be, to work as hard as I can, lay everything on the line and push myself to reach my full potential. I don’t have goals in terms of the number of races I want to win, or times I want to do, I simply want to do my best, and strive to be as strong as I can physically and mentally. And through this, yes I want to achieve so much more, in and out of sport.

Taking Stock: August

I finished up the month by catching a tummy bug. I made a little bed on the bathroom floor for two nights in a row, dropped a further kilo, and cursed my luck for it happening in the middle of the final surge of training before the taper begins. I got back in the swing of things yesterday with a 3hr bike/1hr run run race-pace brick workout and felt fine; although my stomach was a little shaky towards the end, everything stayed down.

My training volume this month turned out to be almost exactly what I did in June:

Riding: 33.5 hrs
Running: 13 hrs
Swimming: 13.5 hrs

...both of which were less than what I did in July (rode 42hrs, ran 18.5, swam 14hrs - only I was too tired to do the math on that at the end of July). In July, I seemed to be buzzing all the time and had trouble sleeping. I've settled down this month and feel like the training I did, while lower in volume, was of high quality. I feel faster across the board in all three disciplines; yes, even on the bike. In short, I feel like I can cautiously say that everything is coming together well.

So, recipe of the month. I got a lot of inspiration in the Pyrenees (no, not from the homemade sausages) by Spanish-influenced cooking. Vegetable paella is on my list of ones to find a recipe for, and I am gearing up to make oven-roasted vegetable fajitas any day now, but haven't gotten around to making the guacamole and salsa. So I'm settling on a vegan pesto sauce that I can't get enough of.

Pesto sauce is always so versatile, and this one is no exception: I've been using it for pasta, on crackers with a dainty olive as an appy, spread on a sandwich (it's really, really good with a homous and cucumber sandwich) and marinating peppers in it before roasting them on the grill.

Ingredients:

* 1 large bunch of basil (about 3 cups, loosely packed)
* 2-3 large cloves garlic
* 6 Tbsp raw pine nuts or walnuts (or a combination of the two)
* 3/4 – 1 tsp salt, or to taste
* 6 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
* 1/4 cup nutritional yeast (optional, but raises the nutrition content)

Preparation:

Place all ingredients except the olive oil and nutritional yeast into a food processor. Process to a finely ground consistency. Add olive oil and process again, until smooth and creamy. If desired, add nutritional yeast and process again until creamy. Keeps in the refrigerator for up to 5 days.

Just one month to go; I'm on the home stretch.